CRTC job offer

CRTC Job Offer

DAY

Re: Hunting Commissioner with discriminatory remarks

Since the explosion of social media and internet radios which are completely beyond the control of the CRTC, and since the advent of the GAFA (Google, Apple, Facebook and Amazon) which do not give a damn about Canadian regulations and laugh at us in the face, refusing pay their fair share of taxes and duties, the august organization set up to clean up the Canadian airwaves finds itself with a lot of free time on its hands.  

So we have decided to reorient our mission. 

The CRTC will henceforth dedicate the majority of its staff to hunting down racist, homophobic, transphobic remarks, etc., which sully the Canadian airwaves and damage the reputation of the Canada Abroad.

As part of this reorientation, we are therefore opening a position of hunting commissioner with discriminatory remarks.

REQUIREMENTS TO OBTAIN THE POSITION

Candidates( e)s for this position must be white and over 50 years old.

Indeed, our studies have shown that white people tend to overreact, much more than black people, when they hear a word which, taken out of context, would be likely, to sensitive ears, to sound racist. 

This is probably due to the great guilt white people feel over the series of despicable crimes committed by their ancestors on the cotton plantations of Manitoba and Charlevoix.

CRTC Job Offer

CRTC Job Posting

Moreover, fearful of being seen as old geezers and having a morbid fear of being out of touch, white people over 50 tend to embrace new trendy ideas more than any other demographic group, even the most folichonnes. 

Who were the first to dance to YMCA and In The Navy, by the Village People, with the silly gestures that accompanied each songs ? The old ones! 

Who were the first to learn the steps of Macarena and Gangnam Style? The old ones again!

More than the young ones, the old ones (who want to show everyone that they are still young and that they still have it in them) will show no mercy towards the violators of the rules of the CRTC.

One only has to look at the photos of the main executives of Radio-Canada and the vast majority of cultural organizations to realize that there is nothing better than a white person aged 50 and over, with a slight plumpness, to apply with diligence, and even a certain zeal, the most stupid regulations.

TASKS

The Commissioner for hunt for discriminatory remarks will lead a team of 75 people who will listen to everything that is said on the Canadian airwaves.

Equipped with a 672-page guide containing all the taboo expressions (such as “black people” , “Indian summer” and “black hole”), they will strive to purify Canada's radio and television landscape, so that everything that is said is in total agreement with the vision of our beautiful and great country Grand Helmsman Trudeau II.  

P.-S. It is important to note that according to paragraph 2.2.9, accusations of discrimination do not apply to insults aimed at French-speaking Quebecers.

We are waiting for your CVs!

CRTC Job Offer