Impose your limits

Impose your limits

DAY

Learn to respect yourself by adopting healthy boundaries, this is what we learn from the bestselling book, bestseller of the New York Times, Set Your Limits, Find Peace, by author Nedra Glover Tawwab. By accepting everything, and always saying “yes” at all, it comes down to not taking care of yourself and possibly experiencing exhaustion, even resentment. 

Wanting to have an irreproachable career, be an exemplary mother, remain a perfect wife, wear an outfit worthy of the latest trends and maintain an impeccable home are often the goals of many women and they are the ones who get caught in the trap. Because if you can achieve this for a while, it often becomes impossible to maintain the pace over the long term without exhausting yourself both physically and psychologically. Sooner or later, we become irritable and experience frustration often even leading to burn-out.

Before the situation gets worse, ask yourself some questions. Are you irritable or exhausted? Do you feel like dropping everything and disappearing? Do you complain about not having enough time for your own hobbies? If you can recognize yourself in one of these figures, it's time to change things, starting by taking care of yourself.

Time limits are often the most difficult to establish. By devoting too much time to others, it becomes difficult most of the time to satisfy one's own desires, the author points out in her book.

Talking about your own distress to your spouse who does not share the tasks that you impose on yourself, or even talking about it to your children if they are old enough to understand is already the beginning of a solution. If you're too exhausted to attend your son's soccer game, telling him is just a way to respect yourself and be honest.

And if your employer imposes overtime on you, discussing it can avoid long-term trouble, because agreeing out of fear will only increase your frustration and likely make you less productive.

Respect yourself

Knowing how to respect yourself also means learning to say “no” when, for example, the in-laws impose themselves every weekend around the swimming pool or invite themselves to the chalet. The important thing is to learn to impose your limits while maintaining harmonious relationships without offending anyone. It is nevertheless imperative to demonstrate objectivity in the exercise. If you accept privileges, gifts or money from them, or even services, if they accommodate you by babysitting your children if necessary, for example, then it becomes normal to eventually feel indebted to them. In her book, the author offers beautiful reflections on how to impose certain limits while respecting herself and others. 

Ask questions to live better

Dare to doubt!, Julien Kim, Good Mood Dealer, 253 pages

Those who often doubt themselves are often misunderstood. We go so far as to say that they lack self-confidence or worse, that they are unstable. However, the author believes that, on the contrary, doubting or questioning oneself is essential in order to move forward in life. As everything can change very quickly with regard to our lifestyle, it is often important to take turns and even change lanes. The only way to do this is by starting to question yourself. Do you still love what you do? Are the studies you have just started the ones that really suit you? Are the friends you hang out with still the ones who deserve your trust? Has your business adapted to today's reality? Changing minds, changing goals, or even changing completely is allowed and often beneficial. Because nothing is frozen in time, everything is in constant motion and those who do best in life are those who know how to catch the ball by knowing how to seize certain opportunities and adapting to life. It is also said that adversity is often beneficial since it represents an opportunity to grow or change something to be more successful. The author invites you to take a step back, reflect, then take action. 

Get up

Resilience, When fragility becomes strength, Stéphane Jacquot, Les Éditions du Cerf, 156 pages

We often hear about resilience, but what exactly is it? The author, who has met several people who have suffered from major illnesses, who come from underprivileged families or, worse, who have seen their parents killed or who have been victims of aggression, reveals in his book how they managed to recover from these great trials. According to him, great tragedies can become great strengths in facing adversity. That's a bit of resilience. Even if we do not all react in the same way in the face of difficulties, it is normal to fall in the face of a test. However, it is important afterwards to manage to find solutions to live in spite of everything and accept that life is like this. Acceptance is often the first step towards resilience. Then, we opt for the solution mode by adapting. Learning to rebuild and accepting help are also part of the equation.