Performance anxiety, which is found regularly in various spheres of life and which is at the heart of many actions, is certainly not a good counsellor in matters of sexuality. We know, we want to avoid it, but all the same, she is prompt. Tour de force I hear you say to keep it away from your bedroom ? Well, you’re right ! So, how can we revive a libido worthy of the name if, ever, a model of sexuality based on excellence surfaced ?
GES, which stands for Good Enough Sex has made its appearance during the last years, thanks to the precepts of a therapeutic approach which highlights two essential elements : (1) when the couple experiences any sexual difficulties in connection with the failure of libido, it is said that the problem must be considered as belonging to the couple and not just the person who saw the lack of libido ; 2) and the second element, the GHG.
The good enough sex – sex good enough and which focuses more on the relationship and, thus, a sexuality that is more human, more relational. The authors of the report, the psychology professor Barry McCarthy and two of his students from the American University (Washington), Candace Koman and Danielle Cohn, argue that the GHG should not be confused with a sexuality that is dull, boring, without passion or desire.
In this type of sexuality, not only the variations of desire and pleasure are welcomed without judgment, they are accepted and they are honored because they are considered a necessary component of the sexuality of a couple of healthy. According to the authors, a rule of three applies : 1/3 of the sex is very satisfying for both partners, 1/3 of relationships are more satisfying for the one than for the other, and finally 1/3 of relationships are unsatisfactory for both.
Develop his own style of sexual
Since the dynamics of couples vary greatly, it is evident that a better understanding of the strengths and points of tension in each of the partners leads to greater possibilities of understanding and respect, so sex more fulfilling. What questions should we ask to reflect on the implementation of his style of sexual intercourse ?
1. That is what is important to you in a sexual partner ?
2. What is your feeling vis-à-vis masturbation (not only your opinion, but rather what this practice is resonant to you) ?
3. What is an orgasm for you ? What place does it hold in the sexual relationship in your eyes ?
4. What connotation have erotic toys to you ?
5. Taboos and complexes… it tells you something ?
6. What is YOUR definition of a sexuality that is fulfilling and rich ?
7. What would you change about your sex life now ?
8. This body in which you live… up to what point do you love him ?
All these questions deserve a considered response and honest. The reconquest of a lost sexual desire should be to live as a process – a more or less long, depending on the state of health of the couple, and other factors influencing the situation. Each step can become a step in the right direction provided it is done with respect. For some people, sexuality is a team effort ; will you be perceptive enough to guess the rules of the game ? Or will you prefer to invent new ones ?