What is sexual debt that one in two women have already felt ?

Qu’est-ce que la dette sexuelle qu’une femme sur deux a déjà ressentie ?

According to the results of a recent Ipsos survey for the condom manufacturer Durex, four out of ten French people say they have already felt a “sexual debt”. This would even be the case for one in two women. What is it about ?

It can occur at the end of a successful romantic evening or a long period of abstinence within the couple…hellip; After a first date as after years of relationship! "Sexual debt is the fact of feeling indebted for any sexual activity", summarizes sexologist Margaux Terrou on her site internet.

In other words, this means that one person in the couple participates in sexual activity without having felt the desire. This under the weight of a tacit social injunction and/or in the idea of ​​fulfilling what was previously called marital duty. According to the Ipsos.Digital survey, one in two French women would have "already felt a sexual debt". And this, in "43% of cases, in order to please their partner". Which makes the authors of the survey say that "the sexuality of the couple is not always synonymous with pleasure and fulfillment“.

A "logic of accountability"

The subject is of interest to academics. It was even the subject of an article in an issue of Journal des anthropologues published in May 2019. Its title: Consenting to sexual experiences without wanting to. The authors evoke a "system of representations" through which "feminine sexuality is thought of as a debt of sex, in response to the compelling needs of men". And this, in a "logic of accountability, revealing the asymmetry of social gender relations".

Which brings anthropologists to the question of consent. "If young women find themselves more often than young men accepting unwanted sexual transactions, it is not so much because they are less able to say ‘no’, but because in ‘the gender order’, female sexuality is posed as a ‘sex debt’". Which therefore leads "young women to feel indebted to the sexual expectations of men".

Ask yourself the right questions

As explained by Léa Séguin, doctoral student in sexology at the University of Quebec in Montreal (UQAM), cited by Margaux Terrou, "il Behind that is the idea that sexuality is a thing, a resource that we give, that we lose, that we get caught, rather than an activity done for the pleasure of all stakeholders. As if it was an economic exchange. What has his eyes is obviously very " problematic".

On her website, Margaux Terrou gives several tips for identifying and getting away from this logic. If you are concerned, start by asking yourself: "what do I want ?". Which implies following your desire. Also ask yourself this: "If my spouse had not done this, would I act differently?". And to conclude: "it's about being in true connection with your body to identify what you really like"