When children remain or return to the home

Quand les enfants restent ou reviennent à la maison

We have all heard of the early thirties and the installed in the basement of the family home, much to the chagrin or the delight of his parents ! This is not a new phenomenon, and has a name, inspired by the great success of the French cinema : Tanguy. In addition to those who don’t want to or can’t fly on their own, others are forced to return to the fold, for economic reasons and more recently because of the pandemic. One could speak of a” boomerang effect “.

No new parent likes to imagine the day when his child leave the nest. While small, they depend entirely on us, a situation that is gradually transformed in adolescence : they no longer accept the rules as easily, and their opposition is a way of asserting themselves, and define themselves. At the end of this transition period, they will have acquired an autonomy that can lead to other upheavals, including a ease, a little more great in the eyes of some parents.

Ideas for the home

Gold, for harmony between people of different generations under one roof, rules are still necessary. All are on the same field, and (very nearly) at the same level : that of the adult. This age where there is a greater difference between the essential and the ridiculous – even if the definition is not the same for everyone.

While it is important to follow certain guidelines (agree on the coming of visitors, to avoid the noise from a specific time, do not flush the hot water heater, etc), or fulfil its tasks (participate in the preparation of meals, emptying the dishwasher, taking out the garbage, etc), every adult did not see the same importance. Hence the inevitable confrontation.

These sources of conflict, often disappear when the children have left the nest. They discover the importance of every gesture, appreciating everything their parents have done for them, as they must now do it by themselves. Here’s a revelation : these tasks and responsibilities made life all the more enjoyable.

From, return

It has often been repeated : we weren’t ready for the arrival of the pandemic of the COVID-19, as well as impacts, immense, of containment. This was the same thing for these parents who have seen their children become the great move back home during this challenging period, and that continues today.

This unexpected return has proved to be a shock, and require rehabilitation, especially in a context where the house no longer looks like what it was (or sold for the comfort of a condo). For a “return” harmonious, it is necessary first to recognize that the negotiation is going on now between adults ; some have lost the habit of telling their parents what time they will return or if they will eat at home ! The communication is then essential, as is the importance of making compromises, or even of reasonable accommodation !

In this context, the turbulence is prolonged, it is important for everyone to have their own space… as a teenager ! When one has his corner intimate, small though it be, that the assistance is mutual, that everyone knows his or her role, everyone can benefit from this forced cohabitation, may be the same footprint of tolerance and respect. It is also a privileged opportunity for the parent to discover the amazing maturity of those who were children there not so long ago, and for the young adult the wisdom of a father and a mother too often seen as mere figures of authority.

And finally, in spite of the good agreement, or to avoid the irritants settle down or continue, as the accommodation, discuss with your new residents of the potential duration of their stay, the question to be on the same wavelength. This will enable all to plan their second start. To the same destination : adult life.

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