What is “future faking”, when the fairy tale is just an illusion ?

Les pervers narcissiques utilisent la simulation du futur pour créer un attachement avec leurs victimes. anzeletti/Getty Images

You have just started a relationship and everything is going for the best in the best of all possible worlds. Your partner will even go so far as to plan future projects with you, like trips or having children. Then, one day, no more news. You find yourself ghosted overnight. This is what we call “future faking”.

Future faking "is a technique used in romantic relationships, which involves describing a detailed vision of the future in order to accelerate the connection," therapist Kara Kays tells Men's Health. Once the partner is in control, the person adopts problematic behaviors and becomes distant, leaving the other in a relational limbo.

This technique generally occurs at the start of a relationship and is often practiced by narcissistic perverts. A narcissistic pervert is a person with a narcissistic personality disorder, who has a self-esteeming image of himself and who likes to put himself forward by putting others down. In love, it is not uncommon for these individuals to adopt strategies to manipulate their partners. When they begin a new romantic relationship, they have an impeccable attitude. They shower you with gifts, show unparalleled affection and promise you wonders.

A (false) fairy tale

Future faking can make you feel like you're living a fairy tale. But the narcissistic pervert will quickly show his true face. At first, he will stop investing, then you will realize that he will not keep any of his promises. "Projects recede like the horizon and are made to wait to continue to maintain the reverie, interspersed with appalling moments of harassment or denigration", explains Anne Clotilde Ziégler, psychotherapist and author of the ;rsquo;book "Narcissistic pervert: 50 not-so-innocuous daily scenes to unmask them and deal with them", in an article in Cosmopolitan. Result: you find yourself confused, manipulated and emotionally hurt.

But why are narcissistic perverts so keen to pretend to project themselves ? Pretending the future is "actually a form of manipulation, and it keeps you hooked by making the kind of future promises you want to hear& ;quot;, explains clinical psychologist and author Ramani Durvasula, in the columns of Men’s Health. This aims to create in the victim the belief that things will change or improve in the future. Future simulations "may include wanting to start a family with you one day, and they may talk about wanting to get married and buy a house together one day", Durvasula continues. This is why it is important to remain vigilant when your partner plans very quickly at the start of the relationship.

But how to spot the signs ? "It’is very difficult", regrets Anne Clotilde Ziégler. "In the relationship of control, we first distinguish love bombing: the pervert showers you with rave compliments and it’s true that’ You have to be a hell of a heroine or hero to defend yourself from that. Someone who finds you wonderful is still very pleasant", underlines the psychotherapist. This is why it is important, at the start of a relationship, to get to know your partner before committing. If you spot this tactic, distance yourself quickly and clearly communicate your respective intentions before engaging in any romantic relationship.