Feeling of deception, failure or punishment… does masturbation harm your relationship ?

La masturbation nuit-elle couple ?

D’après une enquête Harris Interactive réalisée pour XloveCam, un Français sur deux déclare se masturber au moins une fois par mois. Au point de faire peser un risque sur la sexualité du couple ? Eléments de réponse d’une sexothérapeute.

86% of men in a relationship and 64% of women in a relationship indicated in a survey that they had already masturbated alone. In total, according to the Harris Interactive survey for XloveCam published in August 2023, one in two French people say they masturbate at least once a month. "One in two ? At least once a month ? I'm surprised that the proportion is so low" underlines Diane Deswarte, sex therapist, founder of Club Kamami (https://clubkamami.fr). . "This’is undoubtedly under-reported but this figure confirms the taboo side of masturbation." As if the subject remained surrounded by a leaden blanket, whether cultural, historical, etc.

Tensions, suffering

So much so that in certain couples, the subject can quickly become a source of tension if not suffering. "In consultation, it’is not uncommon to hear that masturbating is considered cheating, by the spouse ", she continues. "This can also be experienced as a failure in the sense that if the other person masturbates, it is because I cannot give him what he needs…hellip; Or conversely as a punishment by the one who masturbates while telling himself that he has no other choice, facing his or her partner who does not give him this that he or she wishes… But no!"

The benefits of masturbation

Feeling of deception, failure or punishment… The specialist wants to reassure: "masturbation is part of life, whether you are in a relationship or not". In his eyes, in the latter case, "we can identify three sexualities: that of one, that of the other and that which we create together. It is rather healthy for everyone to remain free of their own sexuality, their moments, their space, always with this perspective of creating an extension between the two".

Masturbation, even as a couple, is therefore not problematic. On the contrary, it brings many benefits for oneself but also for the couple:

better understand your own body; to become distressed; regulate your emotions; live your fantasies and play in the imagination…

Reduce the pressure…

The fact remains that if difficulties are observed within the couple, the first advice is to talk about it! Together first, then with a third party like a sexologist or psychologist. Enough to relieve a little pressure and stress which constitute so many enemies for a fulfilled sexuality. "Talking about it also allows us to challenge some preconceived ideas about sexuality in couples, in particular the one according to which we must respond to the needs and desires of the partner. other… Then in general, the discussion quickly addresses the question of desire and pleasure, which remains very beneficial for the couple", concludes Diane Deswarte. .